Real Headlines
- Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
- Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Farmer Bill Dies In House
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
- Stud Tires Out
- Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
- Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
- Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
- British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
- Officers Taken Off Duty After Death
- Eye Drops Off Shelf
- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
- Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
- Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
- Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Miners Refuse to Work After Death
- Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
- Stolen Painting Found By Tree
- Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
- Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
- Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
- Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
- War Dims Hope For Peace
- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
- Deer Kill 17,000
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
- Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
- British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
- Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
- Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
- Air Head Fired
- Steals Clock, Faces Time
- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
- Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
- Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
- Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
- Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
- Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
~anonym~